Roasted

some pathetic fuckiling has just minced my car!! It's been sitting outside minding it's own business and some cocktrotter and decided it was too wide for their liking and has decided to take one of the sides off. It's not even parked on a main road for fuckinage sake!
What kind of moronic fucknugget hits a parked friggin car??????

I'll tell you what fekkin kind.....

My toss arse boss!

CUNT!

Does anyone remember Radio rentals? Are they still going? Are specsavers in breach of copyright law? didn't the slogan read... should have gone to... Radio Rentals long before Specsavers?

well here I am.. Did anyone miss me?
what nobody?... not even a little bit???
oh...

I have recently been bogged down by a huge amount of work that is supposed to be boosting my career prospects so inevitably, I have not spent a great deal of time bloggerising.
Today will mark the end of stage 2 of this project for me and allow me to squeeze in 5 days holiday before stage 3 kicks off on my return.

and so.....with this short but important break in the tedium... (is that a word??... tediousness...??? fuck it.. if it ain't a word it frikkin is now coz I said so.)I thought... great, I can have a quick bloggerism before I shoot off on my hols!

and now I have bloggeriterisationisming block and cannot think of anything worthwhile to post/write/invent/lie about.

fuggit!

I have no thoughts myself on the matter but was wondering if anyone else did...

If there's one thing that makes my job awful... it's the many nights away in Premier Inns... nothing wrong with them as a whole but they every room is exactly the same.. I'm sitting here in the dsame room as i was 2 weeks ago but at the opposite end of the country.

its bloody weird!

An apology..

in hindsight.... without all the facts, it would be unfair of me to asume that I know her reasons.

Inspired by Librarygirl... I've been tempted to post a photo of myslef here but at the same time I'm a little reluctant. My first reason is that I sent someone a picture as they wanted to see what I looked like and then I never heard from them again. I thought that a little cruel. We were just chatting as friends so why would my appearence stop her talking to me?? Am I really such an ugly fucker??... I possibly am!

anyhoo... another blogger has also said that those that choose to distance themselves from me due to the way I look, probably aren't worth having as friends anyway.

so... I have a few pics here but they're from a long time ago.. Should I????????????
decisions decisions

I recently stumbled across a list of collective names for animals that I found very interesting. Not sure how true all of them are but there's some brilliant ones here..
I already knew of a few strange collectives such as a murder of crows and a parcel of penguins.

this is just the cats section

clowder of cats
clutter of cats
glaring of cats
pounce of cats
dout of cats (house cats)
nuisance of cats (house cats)
kendle of cats (kittens)
kindle of cats (kittens)
litter of cats (kittens)
destruction of cats (wild cats)

also... a few more that made me smile...
a storytelling or rooks
an implausibility of gnus
a murmuration of starlings..

fantastic!!

for once I'm not being filthy.. sorry to disapoint!

1. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?
yes.

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
all 3 please.

3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
the right.

4. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
nope... who the hell would pay to see this???? be realistic!

5. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
yepsie

6. Do you watch/read pornography?
I'm male... I'm married.. what do you think?

7. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
one of each please....both female... I'll be sat in the middle grinning!

8. Do you love someone on your blogroll?
not under my definition of love... no.

9. Would you choose love or money?
Love is a viscious virus... Cash please!

10. Your top three favourite kinks in bed?
I'd have to show ya.... hee hee

11. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
what line????

12. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
really can't remember..

13. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
on a roof.. in a box!

14. Have you ever been caught having sex?
Yes... the security guard even offered to sell me a copy of the tape.

15. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
definately!

16. Ever been picked up in a bar?
yep...

17. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
errrrr..... ummm.....

18. Had sex in a movie theatre?
yes

20. Had sex in a bathroom?
Yes.

21. Have you ever had sex at work?
Yes.

22. Bought something from an adult store?
Yes.

23. Do you own any sex toys?
no..

24. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
err.... it's not me honest.. ok, maybe!

25. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
yes...

26. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?
never thought about it... I guess so.

27. What's your favourite sexual position?
depends on the girl... and which bits of her are nice to look at. Nice tits?... she's on top. Nice arse?... doggie. Nice face?... missionary... nice everything???... I'm not that lucky!

28. What's your favourite sex act?
depends on the mood but I do love to munch!

29. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
kinda... they were in 2 seperate rooms and weren't aware..

30. How many bloggers do you think will post this meme this week?
not a clue!!

1. Do you have a favourite part of autumn?
Yep... the bit before it... Think it's called summer!

2. "It's too cold to snow!" Do you think it ever is?
Lack of cloud cover generally makes things colder and with no clouds... obviously no snow... on the other hand... I think that's complete arse... It's never too cold to snow.
3. Do you feel there is still a place for British Summer Time or should we just stop changing the clocks?
Stop fekkin about with it.. It makes me Polish workers come in an hour late!

4. Are there certain meals you only eat in certain seasons (salad in summer, stew in winter)?
Nope

5. Autumn is...?
A season beginning with A.. the only one beginning with A in fact. It occurs as a prelude to Winter and marks an end to what we call summer. It generally involves dead leaves, wind and being Britain... rain.
It's not alot to get excited about in all honesty. Carry on with your life and ignore it... it'll soon go away!

As you probably know, I don't divulge too much info about myself on here but It's coming up to a special time that I need to celebrate..
some of you may know that I have children... 3 last time I looked.

anyhoo... it's their birthdays very soon... my boy will be six and my two girls will be a year.

Big proud Dad!

today I visited my local BP garage9 (incorporating M&S food) to grab a sandwich. After a little queueing I approached the cash desk and lay my items upon it.

"Any fuel today Sir?"
I had not placed any on the counter so..... "No thank you"
"Would you enjoy a large coffee?"
well, actually I would... but I'd enjoy it alot more if I purchased it somewhere a shit pile cheaper than it was here.. "No thank you"
"Would you like a carwash today Sir?"
Actually..It could do with a wash but... "No thank you"
"we have a special offer today Sir... Buy 1 bottle of any Pepsi and get another free"
by this point I'm beginning to think she may be taking the piss... "No thank you"

"How about a muffin"
oh come on.... now she's definately having a laugh... How I held back the extremely inappropriate answer, I'll never know...
"No......... Thank you!!"

finally... after a barrage of questions I picked up my sandwich ready to leave...
"Does Sir have a nectar card?"

"FOR FUCKS SAKE WOMAN... I ONLY CAME IN FOR A TOSSING SANDWICH... WILL YOU PLEASE STOP TRYING TO FORCE ME TO BUY EVERYTHING IN THIS OVER-PRICED FUCK HOLE OF A SHOP... LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE"

Is what I would liked to have said...
instead..... "Ooohh... I almost forgot... here you go..ha (fake laugh) ha"... and handed over my never used Nectar card.

Oh the shame of being polite.

....it would be entertaining if she could do this..... wearing this...

saw this

click to view a little larger...

I couldn't resist posting this..